Doing “Hope” Differently in the Querying Trenches (and Beyond)

TLDR; This mentality resulted in two additional full requests, tons of new writing friends, the launch of our romance writers retreat, and more.

I started querying my rom-com, Love On Site, in February 2024. I was mentally prepared for the rejections and determined to be the most chill. I was going to “set it and forget it,” even directing all querying things to a separate inbox so I could focus on starting the next book.

But then I got a request the very. next. morning.

Over the next few weeks, I received a flood of requests and rejections, and I was ecstatic. A tiny, dangerous hope started to wiggle its way through my defenses: What if my querying experience is different? What if this is it?! What if one of these agents is going to be my agent?!

Then I proceeded to log in to my querying inbox 3,000x per day. I obsessively checked the query timeline on Query Tracker (image on the right) to see where I fell in the agent’s queue. I became an anxious, distracted mess, and I talked about it incessantly.

Apologies to my family and friends. It WILL happen again.

Then, around 6 weeks in, I remembered an email my CP, Michelle Hazen, sent me the day before I submitted that first query. In it, she described two different types of hope—one that drags you down and one that helps you survive the querying (and later, the sub) trenches.

Two Ways to Hope

The first type of hope is rigid and specific. You know, the one where you NEED one particular thing to happen, in one particular way. This type of hope is black and white. The stakes are higher. You either win or lose, succeed or fail. And in publishing, when so much is out of the writer’s hands, it’s easy to see how this mentality comes with a whole lot of “losing.”

Then she introduced me to a new way to hope: the belief that “there are an uncountable amount of possibilities, which can show up in weird, crazy, unbelievable ways.” It’s a much more expansive way to think about our writing dreams, and it involves being open to many different types of “good,” planned or not.

At the time, it inspired me to brainstorm a list of good things my writing journey could bring this year that would feel like progress, bring joy, or energize me—instead of pouring all my hopes into one specific goal.

Here are a few things from that list:

• Entering my work into contests.
• Finding more beta readers and/or another CP.
• Making local writer friends.
• Finding additional creative hobbies that have nothing to do with publishing (#balance).
• Going on a writing retreat or to a conference.

Then I submitted that first query, got a request, and promptly forgot about my list.

Getting Better at Hope

Six weeks into my querying journey, I realized I’d gotten very, very stuck in that first type of hope. I was miserable and stressed and struggling to connect with my new WIP. So, I went back to my list and started checking things off.

1. I researched romance writing contests – And entered the 2024 Maggie Awards of Excellence, hosted by the Georgia Romance Writers.
2. I paid Bianca Marais from The Shit No One Tells You About Writing podcast $20 to match me with beta readers – We had our first meeting a few weeks later!
3. I went to local bookstore events – I met tons of romance readers who were so encouraging and even a few who write!
4. I got more involved on social media – I connected with so many new writing friends. I also participated in three pitch contests, got a few agent likes…TWO of which turned into full requests! (Ok, this one did come back to querying, but in a more organic way.)
5. I signed up for a local charcoal drawing class – Which starts at the end of May.
6. I researched writing conferences and retreats – When I didn’t find something that checked all my boxes, I launched the Romance Author Meet Cute, a writing retreat for romance writers, with Michelle.

And guess what happened?

Querying took a backseat in my mind. FINALLY.

I tapped into a new well of energy and excitement for the future and connected with writers who are making exciting things happen. (Shout out to Viviana, Lauren, Asia, Gemma, Sarah, Elizabeth, and many more!)

The retreat is especially interesting to look at through this lense. Not only did we have so much fun planning and marketing the event, but it also sold out in ONE WEEK. Even better—half our registrants are Twitter/X friends that I’ve connected with in the last 2-3 months as part of my social media networking. See how that came full circle? And it wasn’t even planned!

So, as Michelle said…

I’m going to welcome any amount of good, in any fucking form it feels like showing up.

This year, I’m going to keep flinging little hope seeds out into the universe and see what grows. If you’re in a similar place, I’d love to know what’s on your “Hope List!” Leave a comment below or tweet me at @xoxoLibro.